The title of this WorldWideWebWordiness is a tribute to Quinn Martin. You may not recognize the name but I'll bet you remember his contributions to TV-dom: The Fugitive...The FBI...The Streets of San Francisco...Cannon...Barnaby Jones...etc etc etc. He was the producer of all those great shows. I watched them all. I liked all the program's stars. David Janssen who always looked like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. He also did commercials for Excedrin which seemed very appropriate since Mr. Janssen looked like a headache. Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. His name reminded me of an eye chart at the optometrist. Karl Malden, the Oscar-winning actor who also did the American Express commercials: "You're trapped in a drunk tank with an amorous platypus and no way to make your bail. What will you do? What will you do?" Perhaps, the stars of Cannon and Barnaby Jones were my all-time favorite Quinn Martin guys. William Conrad showed you could spend a little too much time at the buffet table and still catch the bad guys. Buddy Ebsen was a fine example of how getting older needn't slow you down. Although, it did take me awhile to understand why Jed Clampett had lost all his millions and turned into a private eye. After all, it was Jethro who had wanted to be the "double-naught" spy. Anyway, in all of Quinn Martin's shows they had an Act I, Act II, Act III, Act IV and EPILOGUE. For a kid watching too much tube, it made me think I was actually doing something rather highbrow. Almost like reading a book. Well, this epilogue has to do last Friday's little e-blurb about putting up the holiday lights. So, consider this true literature...almost Shakespearesque. (The writer. Not the rod and reel. Despite the fishy smell.)

On our sunny, warm Saturday I headed out the door to do my part of the decorating. I was wearing shorts which attracted the attention of my neighbors who asked me to go back inside and put on some long pants. Apparently, being exposed to skinny white legs, as we approach Thanksgiving, is not part of their idea of a great start to the holiday. As I mentioned on Friday, I am allowed to put all the lights outside for my wife, Jessica, and whatever child is home to use. I am also allowed to hang the fake greenery over the garage because it doesn't matter if it is a little off-kilter. It took me about a half dozen trips back and forth in front of the garage and up and down the ladder to get the holiday garland even. I'd have had better luck if I'd been try to balance Judy Garland and Beverly Garland. To our neighbors I must have looked like a big, ugly duck in an arcade game. That would explain the loud pops and occasional ricocheting BBs. Finally, I got it close to even. As my father always said, "If at first you don't succeed. Quit."

The rest of the job was accomplished by Jessica, Taylor, Harrison and Samantha. They made me stay indoors...with the dog, who's never been very good at climbing ladders or stringing lights, either. But, he does have a great eye for greenery. That puts him a leg-up on me...figuratively speaking.