It was Auction Action on Saturday night at Indian Hills Country Club to benefit one of the great resources our area offers: Community LINC. They provide housing to the homeless all over the metro. Kansas City music legend, Mama Ray was there to keep toes tapping. For one number she was joined by some very special back-up singers: The Children of LINC. In addition to music, there was also good food, good conversation and, of course, the auction.

One of the silent auction items was a visit to KMBC to watch FirstNews. There is no real KMBC Tour procedure in place. In fact, at the former building, tours were discouraged because of safety issues. Now, with our brand-spanking new facility, I wouldn't be too surprised if some real process is set up for tours. Maybe we could erect a tram or moving walk-way. A Hall of Former Anchors. A "It's A Dangerous Small World" ride. Better yet, set up one of the zip-lines for people to go from the second floor of the complex right into the studio itself. Eventually, we'd set up little food and beverage booths and a few craft exhibits. I do know that if they start having people dressed up in big, heavy, hot costumes, I'll be the guinea pig. They'll have me wearing a giant TV screen for a head. "Hello, kids! I'm Mr. High-Def! Welcome to Channel 9...hey, punk, quit pulling on my antenna."

PHRASE ALERT: What's the deal with brand-spanking? Well, apparently, the use of the word spanking, has to do with "large or exceptionally fine" and NOT "paddled with one's hand." When I see the word spanking, I think of my childhood. No, I was not paddled very often...which, in retrospect, may have been a mistake...but, I do remember one particular incident. I must have been around five years old. I watched an episode of Little Rascals on TV and saw Alfalfa contemplating an upcoming paddling. He took a thick book and put it in his drawers. When his father swatted him...well, you know what happened. I thought that was a great idea. So, I took a hardcover book and placed it strategically in my knickers. Unfortunately, the book was rather large. It was not inconspicuous. I looked like Sponge Bob Square Pants. But, at age five, it was good enough. Then, I tried to make my dad angry enough to spank me. On a normal day, that would not have been all that difficult. It was a case of my bad timing, that I caught him on a day when he had just gotten the latest Norman Vincent Peale booklet in the mail. It was entitled something like "Your Kids ARE Good!" My dad liked all that optimistic stuff but he was also a big fan of old-fashioned "you broke my heart...I lost my job...my truck won't start and the dog just got hit by the Midnight Express" country-western music. Depending on what day you caught him, he could be very upbeat and happy with a smile for everyone or, on those Grand Ol' Opry days, he could be extra-glum and gloomy. It was that second persona I really needed for my practical joke attempt but, instead, I got Mr. Happy. I walked up to him and threw a tantrum. He chuckled. I dumped my milk on the kitchen table. He smiled. I said I was never going to clean my room again. He winked at me. What could I do to get a rise out of him? Finally, I hit on the right thing...or wrong thing...to say: "I just drew pictures all over your copy of The Power of Positive Thinking. That Norman guy looks like a pirate, now." That got him. He took me over his knee and gave me a spank. His hand hit the book...but not very hard. Like I said, it was not exactly invisible! Being a good sport, he pretended to hurt his hand. Luckily, he didn't discover I really had marked up his book until much later. And, by then, he was back to Conway Twitty.

See how one word, like "spanking" can make me veer completely off course?

Back to the auctioneering. Like I mentioned, Channel 9, as far as I know, does not offer formal tours of the facility. For one thing, there is concern that the public will throw marshmallows to the anchors and that will only spoil them for their real meal-time. Also, if you have a mild allergy to hair-care products you could be headed for the ICU just walking past Jim Flink's desk. So, when wonderful groups like LINC, ask about auctioning off a tour, I always have to give them the bad news: If they want someone to be able to visit, it would have to be at 4:45 in the morning for FirstNews. That way, since I'm here (which is NOT a selling point) I can let them in and show off the place. Over the years, I've tried this a few times and have NEVER, I mean NEVER, had anyone actually show up for the tour. At the LINC event, a woman approached and asked if it really meant A.M. on the bidding sheet. Yes, I had to inform her, it did. She wasn't sure she could get her 12 year olds up at that hour for such a thing. Who could blame them?

I think what happens is that the generous attendees at these events, stroll by the silent auction tables, past the luxurious bottles of wine and the high-dollar gift certificates and the glittering jewelry and then come upon this sad little index card that says you can visit FirstNews in the middle of the night. Eventually, someone feels sad that nobody else has bid, so he or she writes down the minimum bid...around five bucks or so...and moseys on down the line. Well, that first bid is the last bid and the person bidding bids any thought of actually following through, bye-bye. Once, the item was for Breakfast With The FirstNews Crew! The so-called winners didn't have to get up super early or come into the station. We went to meet them at a nice place for morning vittles. When all of us found out that someone had actually bid on this thing, we were feeling pretty good about ourselves. Then, we discovered that the bidder was the person who had first asked us to participate and he got it for the minimum bid. So, I suspect I won't hear from anyone at the LINC auction about visiting FirstNews but, I hope, someone did make a bid and a couple more dollars can go to support LINC's great work.

In any case, congratulations and thank you to everyone who made Saturday night so special. Your generosity will make everyday better for so many of our neighbors.