Today's silly blogiphany will have you in stitches! And, on pins and needles! It may even put you into a s'knit! It is really about the very fabric of our society but I will try to thread lightly. Monday morning, on FirstNews, we had a story about the increasing number of men taking up knitting. Yarn stores...which I thought were places people frequented when they wanted to find some good stories to tell...are reporting more and more males coming in to buy goodies. Some men say they do it to relieve tension. One older guy was quoted as saying it helped ease his arthritis. Historians say that among the earliest knitters and sewers were fishermen working on their nets. So, men wielding needles is nothing new.

Before proceeding, let me make it clear that I do not know the difference between knitting, sewing, darning, macrame-ing, needle-pointing, crocheting, croqueting, quilting, mending, serging, embroidering or anything else connected to this art or craft. To me the phrase "Knit One, Pearl Two" sounds like a baseball score between teams of Hobbits. Growing up in a house of all boys, we were expected to know how to do the laundry and dishes and dust and vacuum but, if needle-work was ever covered, I must have been in the other room watching Gilligan's Island. Speaking of TV, I admit a wave of envy and jealousy does come over me when I happen to see a sewing show. For example, I'll bet Nancy of Sewing With Nancy, actually knitted and sewed her entire house. There is nothing that woman and her guests can't create with a little thread and a needle. When I was a kid, there was a local woman on TV named Fern Fowler who was capable of needle magic, as well. Fern would take a pile of thread at the beginning of the half hour and, by the time Stan Bran's Outdoors Calling came on, Fern had created clothing for the entire Von Trapp family. She could also turn empty toilet paper rolls into weaponry, although she only did that once during a special cross-over appearance on Stan's show.

We did have a sewing unit in school where we were supposed to create a pillow in the shape of a whale. Mine ended up looking more like something a stuffed dog would leave on the carpet...if a stuffed dog could leave things on a carpet. Sure, I attached a couple of buttons for eyes but it didn't help. I tried to convince my teacher that all the missed stitches were actually extra blow-holes. This was a whale even Ahab would've passed by. I also got in trouble for trying to borrow an extra needle from a class-mate having lost my own. The instructor was livid: "We do NOT share needles in this class. Where do you think you are, Amsterdam?" She was extra irked when she found my lost needle in her chair. Well, it was originally in her chair. The episode gave a whole new meaning to "turning the other cheek."

My grandma was good at this kind of thing. Her sewing kit always seemed like something of a treasure chest to me. Filled with needles and buttons and thimbles and pin-cushions. I remember we'd play that old hot/cold game with the thimble or "Button-Button-Who's Got The Button?" That last game is not one you ever want to hear the president playing. We had to quit playing those games when my brothers kept hiding the thimble or button under an orange road construction cone near our house.

Really, this whole idea of men knitting is not a new story at all, even forgetting about the aforementioned fishermen with the hole-ly nets...not to be confused with the 12 Disciples who were fishermen with holy nets. In the 70s, football great Rosey Grier even wrote a book called Needlepoint for Men. I had him on after*words back in 1992 and he talked about learning how to do this kind of thing as a child and using it to relax all through adulthood. Who's going to tell a member of The Fearsome Foursome not to relax? If it works for Rosey, it would work for everybody.

In our own house, sewing is a hit and miss kind of thing. Once, many years ago, my lovely wife mentioned that she'd love to have a sewing machine someday and began to imagine all the wonderful things she would create for the children. Well, being a dutiful husband, I went out and got her a sewing machine for Christmas. After everyone else had opened their presents, I carried out a big, colorfully decorated box for her. Her eyes got very wide as she ripped the paper off and revealed A SEWING MACHINE! The holiday spirit was sucked out of the room. I believe even Bing Crosby stopped singing on the record-player and said "What were you thinking?" To describe the look on my wife's face as disappointed would be an understatement. "Oh, a sewing machine..." she said through a sickly smile. "Well, you said a couple months ago how much you'd love to have one and so, here you go!" I replied, hopefully. As it turned out, she was much more interested in the potential of a sewing machine than the reality of a sewing machine. It wasn't a total loss. She took the machine back to the department store and ended up having a great time picking out things she really wanted. Sometimes it pays to listen to your spouse. Sometimes it doesn't.

I really think my own personal aversion to knitting and sewing comes from Sunday School. Ever since I heard that verse about getting a camel through the eye of a needle, when it comes to all this kind of thing, I just haven't been able to get over the hump or humps.