Several weeks ago a friendly person, who is a regular viewer of FirstNews, approached me to say she was upset with something I had said on the show. She simply couldn't believe her ears. Why would I say what I said? Now, before she filled in the details, I was doing a mental checklist of all the possibly offensive things I may have uttered on the air. On any given day, that list is pretty extensive. Over the years, I've given up...I mean, I've given up trying to figure out what will strike folks in a bad way. In many cases, just my presence on the TV is enough to irk people...and that's just my family. For them, the only saving grace of my being on the TV is it means I'm not at home.

Sometimes the forecast is what gets under a viewer's skin. For example, a couple summers ago, I consistently ruined one guy's golf outings. I'd say a "chance" of rain...just to give my sorry self a little or a lot of wiggle room...and, depending on the inflection of my voice, this golfer would decide if I really meant it or not and base his tee-time on that insight. More often than not, he'd get caught in the rain and I'd hear about it, via e-mail, the next morning. "Why don't you just admit you have no clue and move on? I wish I could be wrong as often as you are and still get paid!" Sometimes, I will make assumptions that folks don't appreciate. Once, during a stretch of drizzly, cloudy, coolish days, I used adjectives like "drab" and "dreary" and "dull." Now, I like cool, rainy days just fine but this had been many days in a row. I "assumed" everyone would like a little sunshine. Well, as you learn quickly when taking multiple choice tests in school, any answer that includes words like "all" or "none" or "EVERYONE!" is probably wrong, wrong, wrong! Sure enough, I got a voice-mail: "How dare you decide that what you think, is what we all think! Some of us love this cool, drizzly weather! Quit thinking you know best! Who made you The Decider!" In fairness, I never called myself The Decider. That was someone else. But, it is an example of something you can say...in total innocence...that comes back to haunt you. Don't even get me started on all the grammar calls and e-mails I've gotten over the years. "Quit saying 'further' when you mean 'farther,' you dope!" "Don't end a sentence with 'at,' you pin-head." "Quit saying 'There you go' when you don't have anything else to say, you numb-skull!"
That last one was from a number of years ago. I quit saying "there you go." It had become one of those verbal crutches people start to rely on without knowing. I wasn't aware I had replaced it with something else until my family and I saw the movie, Anchorman. There's a scene where the weatherman, Brick Tamblyn, is just spouting phrases like "That's right, sir" and "O-kay!" As we were walking out of the theater, my kids said I say things like that on the air. According to them, I use the word "absolutely" a lot. Most often when it is clear that I have nothing else to say. I made a point of keeping track after this and, guess what? The kids are all right.

Anyway, back to the mystery comment. At some point during FirstNews, Johnny Rowlands, Jere Gish and Donna Pitman were discussing some news story about a new weight-loss idea. Now, these are three very slender and fit people. My left thigh weighs more than the three of them put together. So, as they finished their chat and segued into weather I said something along the lines of "You three talking about losing weight is ridiculous. Working with you guys makes me the Orson Welles of morning news." That was what got this viewer a little perturbed. She was very kind to me: "You have no reason to talk about your weight. You look great. You look healthy and should just realize that!" What started out as a minor complaint took a swift turn toward a major compliment.

Still, despite that person's kindness, I fully realize that I am the member of the FirstNews team who puts our combined total weight at the national average. Without me, the other three would be the average for a community of Keebler Elves or convention of Oompaloompahs. I am fully aware that, for many people, watching their pounds is a matter of health not vanity. But, I'm on television and very shallow, anyway, so for me, it's mostly about being vain. So, tomorrow, in this ever-expanding space, I will discuss my ever-expanding space. I'd do it right now but I think I hear a chocolate chip cookie calling my name. Probably just wants to complain about something I said this morning!