Thursday morning's FirstNews had a story about a Wisconsin dog named Pepper Ann who has very expensive tastes and taste buds. Pepper Ann got into grandma's purse and ate more than $800. They were able to...uh...rescue...much of the doggy dough out of the doggy doo. It's a weird twist on a goose that lays golden eggs, I guess. One can imagine a next door neighbor, not knowing the whole story, seeing the grandma out back picking up the cash and wondering "Where can I get a dog like that?" Pepper Ann also left some of the green stuff shredded but undigested. The local bank was willing to exchange most of the damaged bills for new greenbacks. According to Pepper Ann's human, this canine will eat anything. I know a dog like that. He's a Golden Retriever named Casey and, especially as a younger pup, he was not particularly discriminating.

Being a retriever, his instinct was to carry stuff around in his mouth. Since, just by looking at me, he could tell I was no hunter or, if I was, it would be in the Elmer J. Fudd tradition, Casey had to find things other than dearly-departed ducks and long-gone geese to "retrieve." He particularly loved Beanie Babies and other stuffed animals. He certainly had room. Yes, my dog has a big mouth. (He also has a pointy noggin...a canine cone head...and a few discolored patches of fur and a little bumpy thing on his eye-lid. We love him but he's not going to the Westminster Dog Show unless it's to get paw-tographs from the other dogs.) Anyway, one day I saw him carrying around a brand new teddy bear. I told him to drop it, which he did. The bear was followed by a zebra Beanie Baby, a couple of Matchbox cars, an athletic sock, a few baseball cards, assorted Legos and a magenta crayon. I felt like I had hit the big puppy payoff on some furry slot machine. He actually got pretty good with the Legos. He once ate a bunch of individual blocks, then, "refunded" a beautifully constructed suspension bridge.

Of course, sometimes the stuff in Casey's mouth would make the whole incredible journey. It wasn't all bad. If one of the kids was missing something important, he or she was much more likely to take on the pick-up duties in the lawn. In some ways, cleaning up the backyard was a little bit like a visit from the Easter Bunny...if the Easter Bunny had a serious eating disorder and on-going digestive problems. At the end of the school year, when several boxes of used crayons would appear at our house, Casey would have a field day. Talk about Rainbow Stew, Casey would devour any shade of any color at anytime. It was Casey and The Amazing Technicolor Pooper-Scooper. One year, he ate a glass Christmas tree ornament. Initially, we were quite concerned about how his insides would handle it. In the end (sorry) everything came out all right. (Again, sorry.)

Of course, over the years, other dogs have nibbled their way through our house. A little black and brown dachshund-chihuahua mix named Jingles once gnawed the corner off a trumpet case of mine. Everyone's a critic! He also climbed on top of the kitchen table and ate most of our Sunday ham one time. When we caught him, there was no guilt. He just looked at us as if to say "Well, it's a little salty but not too bad and, by the way, where's the baked potato I ordered?"

Still, it has been Casey with the most active and inventive culinary tail...I mean, trail. But, even Casey hasn't pulled a Pepper Ann and swallowed the big bucks. If I ever did have a dog that consumed my bankroll, I think I'd name him Ate The Money or ATM, for short.