You're Beautiful. No, I'm not being fresh. (Do people still say "fresh" when they mean someone being a little too familiar or forward? Or do we have to spell it "PHRESH" like folks spell "PHAT' when they mean something positive? I am so un-HIP, I'm surprised my pants still stay up.) Anyway, You're Beautiful is apparently the title of what one poll is calling the most annoying song of all time. It's performed by a guy named James Blunt. I have to tell you I don't find the song or singer the least bit annoying. Why? Mostly because I've never heard the song or heard of the singer. I told you I am not on the cutting edge. Now, I know the old Rogers & Hart song You Are Too Beautiful and the Burke & Van Heusen tune But Beautiful, but this latest one? Nothing registers.

Second place went to something called Crazy Frog. I've known a few unstable toads in my time, but no crazy frogs. In third place is a song from the teen group Hanson, called MMM-Bop, named for the sound made when Orson Welles would remove his wet-suit. Over the years, other such lists have put It's A Small World on top of the list. The song never bothered me until we actually rode the ride at DisneyWorld. Now, those wide-eyed automatons haunt my every waking moment!

FirstNews viewers e-mailed some of their choices for most annoying. I, personally, got a lot of votes from those who misunderstood the question the first time around. "No, maam, we're looking for the most annoying song not person." Songs like Macarena, Who Let The Dogs Out?, Achey-Breaky Heart were mentioned. One viewer said Tiptoe Through The Tulips by Tiny Tim or "really anything by Tiny Tim" drove him to distraction. I have to defend Mr. Tim. He was a guest on after*words years ago. Sure, he looked a little squirrelly and had a personal...uh...aroma...that has yet to fully leave my sinus cavities but, beyond that, he was extremely kind and generous with his time and talent. He sang his big hit, Tiptoe, but in his own, real voice minus the falsetto! At one point he called me "Mike" but, then, so does my wife, from time to time. Another viewer mentioned Seasons in the Sun. "We had joy. We had fun. We had seasons in the sun...." The song takes a very sad turn at that point. I don't know if it is really annoying but it sure doesn't make you want to polka.

My mom loves just about all kinds of music but really grew to dislike I Am Woman. It was not so much because of the melody or lyric or sentiment. Her disgust grew out of seeing the singer, Helen Reddy, accepting an award on the Grammy's and hearing Ms. Reddy say "I want to thank God. SHE is great!" Without getting all theological, let's just say that referring to God as a SHE made my mom rather perturbed. No more I Am Woman...no more Delta Dawn...no more whatever other songs Helen Reddy sang. According to the Helen Reddy web-site, Ms. Reddy is now a motivational speaker and hypnotherapist. Maybe there were actually post-hypnotic suggestions in her records. That would explain why I always found myself clucking like a chicken whenever one of her tunes came to a close. Coincidentally, my mom still goes into a trance of irritation when she thinks of Helen Reddy.

My mom also hated a song my brothers and I loved. They're Coming To Take Me Away! You remember that one, don't you? A very politically incorrect song about a mentally unbalanced man being hauled off to an institution of some kind. To be honest, it scared the daylights out of me when I was little but I still wanted to hear it. Because I am a caring and involved father concerned that family traditions be strengthened, I recently introduced it to our youngest son, Harrison. He, too, is creeped out but strangely compelled to listen over and over again. (The other tune and image that gets Harrison a little jittery is the Johnny Cash version of Hurt. Oh. Okay. I'm frightened by it, too.)

Just to show my age, I was surprised that the new list of annoying songs, did NOT include that old song Feelings. It was done by a guy named Morris Albert. When it first came out, I thought it was done by Morris The Cat, but I was young and not all that bright. Once I got the name right, I still thought it was backwards...Albert Morris seemed more likely than Morris Albert. Where does this guy get off having two first names? Somewhere there's a fellow going through life named Mokowski Horgendorfer...all for want of a first name. Anyway, that song had a great chorus "whoa...whoa...whoa...feelings." Perfect for a sensitive horse. The other number that used to be on all the lists was You Light Up My Life. As I recall, it was Debbie Boone's tribute to GE. Maybe not.

Well, I guess I have to find out what this You're Beautiful song sounds like. Just in case I run out of things to be annoyed with or about. Until then, I'll keep a song in my heart, if for no other reason than to drown out the voices in my head! They're Coming To Take Me Away...ha ha...ho ho...hee hee!