That song is all over the place this week. You know:

Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday Dear What's Your Name
Happy Birthday to You

Of course, some people don't like that song very much. We've all seen little kids get completely befuddled by all the attention of a birthday. Sometimes they turn red, start crying and crawl under the table. My oldest brother did that. Unfortunately, he was turning 58 at the time. According to information gleaned from the interwebs, always a trustworthy source, the melody was written in the early 1890s by a woman from Kentucky named Mildred Hill. Her sister, Patti, wrote words that went "Good morning, dear teacher, good morning to you yadda yadda yadda." Later, when she decided to dump her boyfriend, Patti changed the lyric to

Take a hike, you big dork
Take a hike, you big dork
You smell like an aardvark
And your brain's made of cork

Eventually, Mildred rued the day she ever wrote the tune, because Patti was using it all the time for the most random of reasons.

Hey, those are my socks
Hey, those are my socks
Quit stealing my clothing
You big stinky ox

Okay, so that part of the story maybe a little unlikely. But the next part is true:

Eventually, many years down the road, Patti wrote the words to her sister's melody that we all know today. It was officially published in 1935 and really hit the big time when it was featured on Broadway in a production of As Thousands Cheer.

After that, Patti saw dollar signs and thought the song could be adapted for other occasions, such as:

Plant a tree I do say
Plant a tree I do say
Just dig a big hole there
Celebrate Arbor Day

and

You've been married awhile
You've been married awhile
It's your (insert number here) anniversary
So why don't you smile

and

They've removed your spleen
They've removed your spleen
I guess that was the reason
You weren't feeling so keen

Again, this last bit of info may have some problems being backed up by good sources.

Anyway, you can sing the song to the United States Army today, like they will in Leavenworth, as they cut a big cake and say Happy 232nd Birthday! Thank you to all who serve and have served.

Also, send salutations to our flag. June 14 is flag day. The original idea for a day honoring the Flag Resolution of 1777 came from a teacher in Fredonia, Wisconsin back in 1885. I know, Fredonia sounds a country Groucho Marx would be president of, but it really does exist. Eventually, President Truman signed an Act of Congress designating June 14 as National Flag Day. So, Happy Birthday to the Stars and Stripes. Rumor has it that Patti Hill tried to write some words about it, but the ghost of Betsy Ross appeared and stuffed Patti in a trunk. Patti was rescued when people heard her muffled voice singing, to a very familiar tune:

I am stuck in this trunk
I am stuck in this trunk
Betsy Ross shoved me in here
And, no, I'm not drunk

Finally, yesterday, June 13 was also an important birthday. My mom's! If you have the stomach for it, you can go back in the archives of these e-pistles and find what I cyber-scrawled last year but I do have to add one more story. This one relates to both my mother and driving, which was the subject in this space a couple days back.

My mom, Wanda, grew up out in the country and just about every kid started driving a car at a very tender age...in most cases long before 16. For example, Wanda hit the road when she was about 13. Now, her mother did not drive so the kids would have to take their mom into town for groceries and other errands. One day it was Wanda at the wheel. As they got back to the farm, my mom said, with adolescent certainty, "Watch me stop on a dime!" It turned out to be a large dime. In fact, this dime was so big it included the flower boxes on the side of the house. The groceries flew all over the car and all my mom heard from her mom was "Let me out of here." Now, in my mom's defense, this was back before power brakes...a person really had to stomp on that pedal to bring the vehicle to a standstill. When she did turn 16 and went into town to take her official driver's test, the policeman just said "Yeah, I've seen you around" and handed over her license, with NO behind-the-wheel run-through. Was that a compliment on the part of the examiner...or fear? Not sure.

Anyway, in honor of her birthday, here goes

Happy Birthday to Wanda
Happy Birthday to Wanda
As A Mom and A Grandma
It is YOU that we're Fond-a!

Somewhere Patti Hill is smiling and her sister, Mildred, is not. Don't even ask about Betsy Ross.