*TRUFFLES: Last Saturday morning, March came in like a little lamb! It was spectacular. Sunny and mild. Perfect for the 9th Annual Truffle Shuffle to benefit the Jana E. Pinker Foundation. Nearly 400 folks hit the streets around Johnson County Community College to help the foundation raise money which will then be used, primarily, for scholarships. I was lucky enough to help out with the awards ceremony. Being such a nice day, several folks approached me to say "Thanks for the nice weather." (Many more approached me and said "Please, get out of the way" but that happens everywhere I go.) Anyway, when those nice people complimented me on the weather, I'd say "Well, I'm in promotion not production." Or, I'd send them over to a terrific man, also in attendance, named Charles Maahs. He is Bishop Emeritus of the Evangelical Lutheran Church for this area. He is also one of the friendliest, warmest, and funniest people you could ever meet. By the way, Mrs. Maahs is extra-special, too. Well, on Saturday morning, I pointed people toward Rev. Maahs saying he had a better pipe-line when it comes to ordering perfect weather, than I do.

Thanks again to all the wonderful people who showed up on Saturday to help a bunch of other wonderful people.

*RUFFLES: I'm not talking about potato chips. But they do sound pretty good right now. I'm not talking about a drum roll. No, the ruffle I'm referring to happened with a flourish on Monday morning. FirstNews on KCWE kicked off at 7:00 a.m. The anchors of the expanded edition are Dion Lim and Jim Flink. They do a great job. However, I know your main question is "What does this all mean to Joel?" Right? That was your question, wasn't it? The problem for me is an increasing sense of inferiority. Mr. Ketz and, now, Mr. Flink, are both about my age. Yet, they both look young and vibrant and dress like something out of GQ. I look old and broken down and dress like something out of Field and Stream. Occasionally, Mr. Ketz even gets away with suspenders! Suspenders?! I wear those and people think I'm attending a Mork & Mindy retrospective. Then, there's the pocket-square.

Jim Flink is the Prince of the Pocket-Square. You know, that little burst of color that comes crawling out of a suit pocket...like a Technicolor salamander. Frankly, I don't see the reason for it. You aren't supposed to use it to blow your nose or anything, are you? When I sneezed into Flink's, sometime ago, he punched me. I remember, as a kid, I had a fake pocket square. It was a piece of cardboard on the bottom, imprinted with the words Robert Halls for Boys, and some imitation silk...harvested from phony silkworms...on top. This perfectly matched my clip-on tie. My brothers and I also wore dickeys...fake turtle-necks. There was something about fake clothes that made those years special. It actually is making my transition to fake hair much easier.

What it comes down to is this: Ketz and Flink are sartorial peacocks. I'm a sartorial platypus. So, forget about giving viewers more weather from our backyard and around the world. Forget about more traffic reports. Forget about the convenience of news at 7:00 a.m. Forget all that. The new, expanded FirstNews really just means my shortcomings are on display for an extra two hours. The new weather center is state-of-the-art. It looks snazzy. Still, working with Mr. Flink and Mr. Ketz will make it seem like the attic where they stick crazy old Uncle Joel in his funny clothes.