I felt stupid this weekend. Well, that's not such a change from any other weekend...or weekday, for that matter. But, this past Saturday, I really felt stupid. Like I should spell "stupid," STOOPID! I was honored to be the moderator for the three final rounds of the Science Knowledge Bowl at Rockhurst University. It is the Department of Energy Regional Contest sponsored by the school and Honeywell, Inc. Nearly 90 schools were represented. All I had to do was ask the questions. Now, when Alex Trebek does that on Jeopardy, he always seems a little smug to me. "Oh, no. The correct answer is Who is Charles Dickens' tailor's dog. Thought you'd know that...." Of course, Alex knows the answers. They're right there on the card in front of him.

Years ago, as I've mentioned before here at Blog Central, I co-hosted a kid's quiz show called Jellybeans. My co-host, the real star of the show, was a clown named ZAP! Yes, the capitalization and exclamation point were part of his name. He would do magic tricks, occasionally yell something like "OOOHHFROSSTIGIBBLE" and help the children through the obstacle course they'd run after answering some questions correctly. I just asked the questions. Since the show was really designed for five to seven year olds, I would estimate I knew the answers to about 35% of the questions. To this day, every now and then, I am approached by full-grown adults who tell me they were once contestants on the show. They're usually quite disappointed when I tell them that I am not ZAP! When I tell them I was the one asking the questions, they have no recollection at all. They remember the clown, the obstacle course, the green slime at the end of the show and the prizes. The host? Not so much.

There have been a few times that I've moderated spelling bees for young folks and adults. I quit doing that because the competition gets too heated. Personally, my competitive edge is about as sharp as mound of lime jello. Folks in a spelling bee, however, are out for blood! For the moderator, the only real skill is pronouncing the word correctly. That sounds pretty easy until you see the words. Sure, they put that little phonetic helper next to the word but that just confuses me. All those different dots, slashes, smilely faces, lines...even words I thought I knew how to pronounce look totally different. By the end of the bee, every card I would look at seemed to be the bubble above Hagar the Horrible's head when Hagar is cursing. I was nearly chased to my car on a couple occasions by participants or participant's parents insisting that my muddle-mouthed announcing was the difference in the match. On the plus side, many of the words they were hurling at me, I did know how to spell.

That brings us to Saturday's Science Bowl. The very friendly and devoted educators running the event handed me four stacks of question cards. One for each round and a pile of extras. The first two rounds were important, as the winners would get the chance to compete on the national stage in Washington DC this spring. The last round was intended to name the Grand Champion of the regional contest but some of the pressure was off since both competing teams already knew they were going to nationals.

As I looked over the questions, I knew I was in trouble. First of all, my eyes are in the middle-age middle-ground where I can't really read small print very well. The print on the index cards was right on the edge but once I focused, I was still confused. These questions were out of this world. "If a equals c to the ninth power, on a Tuesday, in the rain, what color was the hair of Louis Pasteur's third cousin on his wife's side?" "Two cars and a train leave New York at the same time, traveling different directions, going the same speed. How many opossums will they each hit and what is the skeletal structure of each creature called?" "Name the element described by the letters EIEIO." The scholars answered in a flash. By the way the answers are: Dirty Blond, eight with furry bones and oldmacdonaldite. Obviously, the real questions were so complicated that I have totally blocked them from my memory. But, you get the point. Regardless of how complex or obtuse the question, the scholars would buzz in and have the answer. These kids are scary smart! Let's hope they use their genius for good and not evil!

Anyway, I drove home mumbling to myself. If there had been just one question about chocolate chip cookies or something from an episode of Seinfeld or a math equation that allowed for the phrase "somewhere in the neighborhood of" I'd have felt much less ignorant. Seeing these brilliant young minds made me hopeful for the future of math and science progress in our country. As for my own progress in those areas, let's just say, I found myself missing ZAP!