Many years ago, after a little slippery stuffy blew in, I did a feature story about how to safely walk across slick areas. This was most certainly not intended to be a HealthWatch report or, for that matter, anything remotely helpful to anyone. In fact, just about none of the stories I did during my feature reporting days were helpful to anyone. I also didn't do stories that would touch a viewer's heart. Apparently, my stories did make a connection with some bodily organ, as the water department reported a major increase in flushing when my stories were on the air.

The fact is, I started in TV doing silly stories. First for PM Magazine, which some of you may remember from many years ago. I did a story about a couple with a 750 pound pig for a house-pet, for example. His name was Spot and the woman of the house kept him clean using a vacuum cleaner. They built a trough in the kitchen so he could dine with them. When I started doing FirstNews, I still went out just about everyday and did a story of some kind. Again, usually on the ridiculous side. Like what your fingernails say about your personality or a visit with the woman who collected 2500 cat whiskers. As I said, these are not exactly "lump-in-your-throat" stories. Hair-ball in your throat, maybe.

Anyway, our weather the last few days reminded me of that old story about how to walk on icy surfaces. Last Friday, while slip-sliding behind the dog, I encountered a man moving at high speed right over the slick stuff. He noticed my curious look, stopped and held his foot up to show some traction-providing teeth on the bottom of his boots. Like chains for little tiny car tires. If the Smurfs had to traverse I-35 in the winter, they'd need these things. Well, as happy as I am for that walker, I think he's cheating. Why not make the trip, and potential trip, a little more exciting? For example, the other day, my wonderful wife walked with the dog and me. She chose running shoes with no tread left. It was thrilling for her and hilarious for the dog and me. I truly believe she gained, not only physical exercise, but an increase in her mental and emotional fortitude...not to mention an amazingly expanded vocabulary.

Some people do the baby-steps method. It works and, if you add a white, shaggy wig, under-your-breath mumbling and Harvey Korman, you can pretend you're Tim Conway. Some people do the no-blades, Michelle Kwan deal. You just pretend to skate across. That's fine but adding a double axel and triple salchow is just showing off. You also run the risk of earning a low score from the judges sitting safe and warm in their breakfast nooks. Some people just get down on all fours and make their way. Yes, I've seen adults do that. Not always on purpose, but once they're down there anyway...they do the "Plastic Army-Man Crawl" or "Hinder Bounce-n-Slide." (That sounds like something Suzanne Somers should be selling on QVC. "Since using the Hinder Bounce-n-Slide, I've shaved three inches off my tush and haven't had to dust the floor in a month.")

During my Wisconsin childhood, it was imperative that our walks, steps and porch be kept clear of ice and snow. And, of course, by "imperative," I mean "dad said so." It was not enough to just get a narrow path shoveled out. If there was concrete underneath, you'd better find it. Most of the time it was snow, which was much easier than chipping away at any ice. I don't know if that "all or nothing" shoveling strategy is still in place up north, but I have to admit, I'm not as vigilant about snow/ice removal as I was raised to be. I'm such a rebel. However, we do have some neighbors that make a point of getting out and chopping away at the stuff. Their driveways look great...they can turn in and out without making an Evel Knievel-like jump...you can approach their front doors without using a sled-dog. I think part of my reasoning in not clearing things out as much, has to do with the fact that, in America's Dairyland (that is STILL Wisconsin in my book, regardless of what those happy California cows say) when winter settles in, it lingers for a long time, but, around these parts, if you wait a couple days, Mother Nature takes care of it. That's one reason. The other is I'm lazy.

My rules are as follows: Ice-I leave it alone. It's just too hard and will eventually melt.
Dusting to 2" of snow-If it can be swept, I leave it alone because it just
is not macho to use a broom.
4"-8"-I send the boys out to shovel.
8" or more-Wait for Spring.

That leaves 2-4 inches of snow...if it is in that range I may shovel, myself. If I'm not already deep into a jigsaw puzzle or watching The Rockford Files.

However, back to the original point of this story, I will walk the dog in any of these conditions. So, remember, as things melt in the next few days, be careful out there. The bottom line is you don't want to end up flat on your bottom line.