It is probably just because I am quickly sliding into curmudgeon-hood, but it seems like people say please and thank you less than when I was growing up. Today, on FirstNews, we talked a little about an etiquette test you can take on- line at thekansascitychannel.com. The questions really had to do with how to behave when eating out, but it raises the entire issue of whether we have become a less polite society. As a kid, I'd hear parents say to their little ones "Say the magic words..." meaning "please" or "thank you." Now, of course, they are not magic words although, when illusionist David Copperfield was a child, he'd respond properly and something in the house would vanish. The Copperfields went through a lot of sofas, floor lamps and nannies when David was growing up.

As I mentioned, the test discussed on FirstNews, was about eating out, but in fancier places and settings than my family frequents. One question had to do with how to properly "toast." In my house that would involve peanut butter and making sure the toaster setting is not too high. I have a son who insists on cranking that knob up to "incinerate." Kind of like in the movie Spinal Tap, he wants the toaster to go to 11. You can always tell when he has made toast because the smoke alarms go off, Dalmatians surround the house and he starts talking with a Cajun dialect. But, as you see, that is what the word "toast" means to me. Another question from the quiz used the word "sommelier." I thought that was that French actor who sang "Thank Heaven for Little Girls." Another asked "What food is it okay to eat with your fingers?" How about which are NOT okay to eat with your fingers? Not to mention using your feet to dip cheese into the fondue pot! Our dining- out etiquette test would more likely have questions like "Is it proper, while waiting in line for the take out window, to honk your horn just to watch the folks ahead of you jump and spill their frosted, cherry shake-0-rama in their laps?" and "When seated at a table in one of those fancy indoor eating places, should you build a tower with the salt and pepper shakers, napkin holder and water glasses and, if you do, does leaving the table that way qualify as a partial tip?"

Aside from my family's obvious lack of dining etiquette, we have tried to instill in the children the importance of being polite. All my dad had to do was give my brothers and I a certain look and we knew to say please and thank you. I've tried to do the same thing but my kids always end up looking at me and asking "Why is your jaw twitching? You've got wrinkles. Look at all that gray hair. Was it really dark outside when mom agreed to marry you?" The fact is our kids are usually pretty polite. They shake hands, look people in the eye, speak clearly and, consistently, deny I am with the group.

The kids are good with please and thank you but saying "I'm sorry" is a bit tougher. We make them apologize to each other if the situation warrants. The words are there but the feeling needs work. You've heard of reading between the lines, well, if you could hear between the syllables it would be something like this: "I'm (not really the least little bit) sor- (and if I get the chance I am going to do the same thing again, only worse) -ry (you little twerp...stay out of my way.)" If, as in giving someone a bad gift, it's the thought that counts, all of my kids are going to be serving time.

Even though the rules of etiquette were pretty clear in my house, when I was growing up, there would be questions. Once one of my brothers kept hitting another. After patiently enduring the onslaught, the "hittee" went to our grandma and said "He keeps hitting me." Grandma said it would be okay to hit him back but "only if he hits you again." So, he went back and put his hand on the "hitter's" shoulder, looked, with brotherly love, into his eyes, and, said, imploringly, "Hit me." Back to table manners for a moment, for being four boys, our behavior at mealtime was fine. We always said grace before eating. Once, the phone rang in mid-prayer, my oldest brother got up, went to the phone, picked it up and said "Amen?"

Maybe the best advice, when it comes to being civil to others is what my mom always said "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." When I was in high school it was like living with Marcel Marceau.