Warren Buffett and Bill Gates are obviously very smart and generous people. Just about everyone admires their efforts to use their enormous wealth to better the lives of others. Having said that, let me say clearly and forcefully, that I totally disagree with their disdain for inherited wealth! I would welcome any help from my ancestors and so would my mortgage company. I can absolutely guarantee that being handed a pile of money would not...could not...possibly make me any lazier and less ambitious than I already am. In the movie, Citizen Kane, Charles Foster Kane says, if he had not been rich, he could have been a great man. Well, at this stage of the game, the odds of me being a great man are pretty miniscule, so that is not a potential problem if any distant uncle or aunt wants to thumb his or her sure-to-be lovely nose at Buffett and Gates.

Admittedly, my wife and I have not been the best role models for our kids when it comes to managing money. Of course, we try to pay our bills on time but, when we don't, I like to think I am introducing my children to other cultures when they answer the call from New Jersey or Illinois or India, asking for a payment. It also demands creativity on their part to come up with new ways of saying "I'm sorry Joel can't come to the phone right now...he's in the shower...he's mowing the lawn...he's taking a nap...he's doing charity work." Or, the ever popular, "Joel, who?" Despite our poor, and I mean POOR, example, not all of our kids are financially incompetent.

Our second son, Taylor, works two jobs plus mows lawns when possible. He is a good saver and will make a buck whenever possible. He is frugal. He is careful. He is cheap. He is so tight, he squeaks. He just got back from a forensics competition in Dallas. As part of the package, he received a $20 per diem, to be used for meals. He was gone seven days. When he got home, he had $140. How did he do it? Well, he carefully rationed the snacks we sent with him, as though he was on the show, Lost. He also made a point of eating as much as possible at the free continental breakfast at the motel. Finally, wherever he found free food or snacks, he indulged...mightily. (Naturally, now that he is home, he has more than made up for his modified eating schedule of last week. Our pantry is empty and one of the pantry doors is missing.)

Alex, the oldest one, also works two jobs but is less likely to squirrel away his dough. As is the case with many successful investors, he believes in financial diversification. Sometimes he buys Reeses Peanut Butter Cups AND Skittles. One of his jobs involves tips. He puts a lot of those dollars and quarters in a little cardboard box on the end table...rather than in a basement safe, surrounded by a moat, guarded by a bear and set up with hidden cameras the way Taylor would. Well, such a relaxed attitude on Alex' part is just an invitation. The New Kansas City Star keeps sending out special offers and calling with great subscription rates to get me to take the paper. Forget it. As long as there is change in the magic tip box, the paper is free...for me. Alexander's magic tip box has also eliminated the need for me to go through his wallet in the dark on days when the Powerball is over 100 million and I want in on the KMBC pool. It is not just my hand in the cookie jar, by the way. I suspect Alexander has purchased more Latte' Cafee' El Grande Gigantigos than he knows. His mom likes coffee.

As lackadaisical as Alex can be about money, he runs a distant second in spending to Samantha. She can get paid for baby-sitting at our neighbor's, two doors down, at 10:00 p.m. and have it all spent before getting home. If the old saying about money burning a hole in one's pocket was literally true, not only would none of her pants have pockets but she would be banned from the kangaroo exhibit at the zoo, just to be on the safe side. Very early on, she perfected the amazing trick of spending the same dollar five different ways...which, often, results in four of my dollars going somewhere I didn't intend. Just a word of warning to any future college room-mate of my daughter: Samantha will be fun...funny...smart...filled with energy and smiles. But, she will never have any money to contribute to the late-night pizza fund.

That brings us to the ten-year-old. When you're a kid, the money-making opportunities can be few and far between. Yet, somehow, Harrison always seems to be able to lay his hands on some cash. When he was about three, one of his older brothers was frantic about seven dollars he was missing. I'm sure it was Taylor. Harrison sat and watched the mad dash from room to room...upending sofa cushions...accusatory glances at all of us...the threat of brotherly fisticuffs. After a time, Harrison walked into his bedroom and returned carrying his Fisher-Price cash register. He popped it open and there was the seven dollars and change. Now, Harrison was not admitting any guilt, he just thought he'd be a good baby brother and loan back the money, at a competitive interest rate. Harrison's willingness to share, on his terms, was made very clear once when Grandma sent him four sticks of gum in the mail with the advice to dole it out to his brothers and sister. He did...in his own way. He divided one of the pieces into thirds and kept the other three for himself. Next April, Harrison is doing our taxes.

The bottom line is that, as far as our financial future is concerned, my wife and I have some worries. We can't really expect our kids to support us. Obviously, Alex and Samantha will have a lot of fun and never have any money. We'd have to pry it out of Taylor with a crow bar and Harrison's schemes will probably keep him on the run and living under assumed names. So, again, let me reiterate, Gates and Buffett notwithstanding, I whole-heartedly support inherited wealth and, if you're looking for a distant cousin to whom you want to leave your fortune, I am up for the job.