Today is my mom's birthday. I know what you're thinking: this cheapskate thinks he can save money on a gift or card or phone call by using this internet way, on Channel 9's dime, of saying happy birthday to his mother. Well, now that you mention it...not a bad idea. Except: my mom doesn't have a computer...and she doesn't want one. She gets a little upset stomach just looking at a Ferris wheel so surfing...even the web, would put her in the hospital! She is also one of the last folks on the planet not to have some sort of answering machine. She figures, if it's important, you'll eventually get a hold of her. Frankly, where she lives, even her mail delivery is spotty. So, if her card is a little late it may well not be my fault...really.

She was one of 11 children growing up on a farm in northern Wisconsin. Her dad was a fine musician and she picked up those talents...singing and dancing while he played the guitar...sort of a country version of Shirley Temple. Today, she will add harmony to any song but not for public consumption. I remember playing Scott Joplin's The Entertainer when I was taking piano lessons as a kid and watching her iron the clothes while dancing around the ironing board. It was like seeing Ginger Rogers working at a dry cleaners...while Fred Astaire was out on a delivery. When I think of my mom, I think of music. She once said she liked hearing a "Vietnamese Waltz." We think she meant "Viennese," but who knows. Forget the name, if it was or is a dance, she could and can do it. I would love to have a hidden camera in her kitchen because, I suspect, she still dances and sings her way through the day.

In between the notes, I know her day is also filled with on-going conversations with the creatures outside her windows. I am not talking about anything like that old William Shatner episode of The Twilight Zone...when he was on a plane and saw that monster on the wing. I mean animals...real animals. Back in my school days, as a mentioned a few stories ago, we had a little white-tailed squirrel that lived around our house. My mom was very fond of him and talked about and to this furry interloper a lot. It was a cute relationship until she wanted to put up a Christmas stocking for the rambling rodent. To this day, my kids love to hear grandma talk or write about her close encounters of the wild kind...deer, turkeys, geese, raccoons, more squirrels, blue jays, cardinals...they all communicate with my mom. Forget about Marlin Perkins...she is the real host of Wild Kingdom...sort of a Scandinavian Snow White!

There were times when my brothers and I were all crowded around the kitchen table, talking smart and thinking we were funny. Mom was usually not sitting down...getting this and that for the table. Out of the blue, she would say something like "That old cow just wouldn't move..." and then chuckle to herself. It was clear she had been having an internal conversation and we were getting in on just the wrap-up. Even Paul Harvey would have trouble coming up with "the rest of the story" in these situations. At the time, we all thought it was hilarious but, looking back, she knew much more than we did...she knew our table talk was probably not worth too much attention. As long as her boys were all safe and sound, being noisy at meal-time, she was happy.

Once she and one of her close friends came to visit me in Las Vegas. I had moved there after high school thinking I could be the next Frank Sinatra...not realizing even Frank Sinatra Junior wasn't able to be the next Frank Sinatra. Mom was not too thrilled with her 18 year old "baby" moving to Sin City, but she let me try it. For my 19th birthday, she decided to fly out. Very understandably, her friend wanted to see the sights and hear the sounds of the town, but my mom...being a mom...was more interested in staying at my house and making chocolate chip cookies and a birthday cake. Wayne Newton and Liberace would just have to wait.

So, Happy Birthday, Mom! By the way, I got a call from that white-tailed squirrel the other day. He has retired to a tree in Arizona but wanted to wish you a happy birthday. He tried e-mail with no luck and he never got you on the phone. I explained that you didn't have a computer or an answering machine. "What? No computer or answering machine? In the 21st century?" the little guy exclaimed. "That's nuts!" That made him hungry, so he hung up.