If you are expecting a gushy, mushy story about romance and love and hearts and flowers, you need to go elsewhere. Maybe the Letter From Larry here at thekansascitychannel.com would be a better choice. I know for a fact, for example, that Larry can make pancakes shaped like hearts and grow tomatoes that, when squeezed, actually sound like Johnny Mathis singing Chances Are. As for me, I'm not very good at the whole Valentine's Day deal. Part of the problem is that it falls very close to my wife's birthday. This year, a couple of little gifts were late in arriving for her big day and, instead of being smart and holding onto them for today, I handed them over. I considered re-wrapping them this morning but decided that would be pushing my luck. Now, my wife had a giant chocolate treat waiting for me this morning when I left for work around 2:00 or so and, yesterday, created a heart-shaped M&M cookie for the whole family. So, I'd better come up with something.

It's not as though I haven't tried in the past. Once I bought her a ruby-like ring but it made her finger break out in some sort of rash. I tried to say that's what was supposed to happen since the rash was red and looked a little like an American Beauty Rose. She used the bag of conversation hearts, I'd also given her, to tell me what she thought of that gift. I have to hand it to her, though, because it had to take some serious time with an Exacto knife to get some of those words into the sentence.

Of course, for kids, Valentine's Day is like Halloween's second-cousin. They make "mail-boxes" out of cereal or shoe boxes and then have a party. Last year, Harrison, then in 4th grade, decorated a box out of green and yellow paper to make it look like a monster from Green Bay. The monster's mouth was where you put the cards. He was very proud of it and expected to win the prize for most creative. Well, he didn't. So, this year, he just slapped some red tissue paper on a Cheerios box, scrawled "HARRY" on it and took it to class...living up to the long-held Nichols family motto: "If at first you don't succeed. Quit." Actually, he's mostly interested in the candy which will be just as tasty out of this container as last year's.

In the olden times, also known as my childhood, you usually made the Valentines out of construction paper. I actually enjoyed that, since folding a piece of red paper in half and then making the half-a-heart cut is about the only craft-like ability I had then or have today. (Although, the last time I tried to do it, it came out looking more like an infected spleen than a heart.) Anyway, you'd make them yourself and didn't include any candy....just the card. Nowadays, the kids get candy and pencils and erasers and stickers and, in more affluent districts, keys to a new Accura. Also, there is no lack of variety when it comes to the themes of the cards available for kids to give one another. From Peanuts to Looney Tunes and Puppies to Hello Kitty, just about anything is available. For example, Harrison chose some cards with an NBA theme when he couldn't find any that said "You Should Have Voted For My Card Box Last Year But You Can Make Amends By Giving Me Extra Candy!" Our 17 year old son used Mighty Morphin Power Ranger cards one time. I think it was last year. Our daughter has used horses, figure skaters and, one year, figure skaters on horseback. That was odd enough, but how they ever got those horses to wear skates and do the triple Axel's is beyond me. Our 16 year old son has been interested in politics since he was little so it came as no surprise that his favorite cards to give were the Officials of The Reagan Administration set. Attorney General Ed Meese actually looked kind of cute all done up like Cupid with his arrows of justice.

Anyway, back to my dilemma. This morning the friendly folks at the Russell Stover store in Merriam dropped off a heart-shaped container of chocolates. Assuming my wife missed the show...a pretty safe assumption...I could give her that. Or, on Thursday, we're getting the carpet cleaned. Would that count as a sign of my love? I could always go from desk to desk in the newsroom and swipe the roses and carnations from the anchors and reporters. However, I did promise not to do that anymore...according the signed letter in my personnel file. I'll think of something before I get home. Wait a minute, maybe Larry has one of those singing tomatoes in his file drawer.