It is a great thing to hear from folks who watch FirstNews. This is a very observant audience. For example, this morning I had a message pointing out that someone...who shall remain nameless...tends to SNORT when he or she laughs. It wasn't really a criticism...just a comment. It got me thinking about what a person's laugh may mean about them. If it hasn't been done yet, I hope to apply for a federal grant to study this question. I think a couple million might cover it. After all there are lots of different ways to express one's amusement.

Maybe you giggle or whoop or titter. Actually, those three together sound like a law firm: "At Giggle, Whoop and Titter, your case is never a laughing matter."

I've never actually heard anyone say "TEE-HEE." Except in a restaurant, in answer to the waiter's question about who ordered the peppermint-lotus-deep thought-blend. "Coffee-me. Tea-he."

Sometimes people just give a short burst. "HA!" These are usually very busy people who can only express themselves in a quick manner. They have places to go and people to meet. An extra "ha" and their whole day is off kilter.

That reminds me of the big controversy, this past holiday season, about one shopping center saying that Santa Claus could no longer do his traditional guffaw: "Ho! Ho! Ho!" because some people may find it offensive and insulting. I didn't really understand that story but I certainly never realized that gardeners were so senstive.

Speaking of "guffaw," that word sounds like some people's laughter or the noise created when former president William Howard Taft was suctioned out of the White House bath-tub.

Hee-Haw really does sound like a donkey. We all kind of know that. But did you know that the word "chortle" comes from the sound made when turtles bust-up? Don't feel bad about not knowing that. Turtles don't laugh much. Although, I did see a couple of them, sitting on a tree stump, just dissolved in joy as they recounted the joke about the near-sighted, amorous tortoise and the World War II army helmet. They were chortling all over the place.

While it maybe difficult to know what a laugh means, laugh-lines are another matter. In the art and science of Chinese Face Reading, laugh lines can say a lot. For example, if you are age 40 and you have a faded laugh line, it means you will not be able to advance much further in your career and your professional positions are not ones of power and control. According to that, my laugh lines would have to resemble a piece of the Applebee's To-Go Menu Magellan used when going wherever it was that Magellan went. It is little-known, but in later life Magellan sued Ferdinand the Bull for name-copyright infringement. I believe he used the very able attorneys at Giggle, Whoop and Titter.

If the laugh line starts from the nose and leads directly into the corners of the mouth, that is called a "starved laugh line." Sadly, if you have one of those, bad stuff is waiting for you in your mid 50s. However, if you have another pair of lines leading from your mouth to your chin, you will rebound from any disaster. That's according to Chinese Face Reading. Among the German-Lutheran face-readers in my family, the more lines on your face the better, because that means you're worrying a lot and probably feeling considerable guilt and that is exactly how it should be because, have you taken a good look at your life? What were you thinking? Too big for your britches? Just who do you think you are?

The best laugh line is a long one from the nose to the chin. You'll be smiling and laughing well past your 70s. This is not to be confused with long gas lines which indicated that we were all living well into the endless 70s. Coincidentally, if you have a long line running down your back, from your head to your ankles, it means one of two things: Your best days are behind you or you need to buy a new gorilla suit.

If a long laugh line means long life, a short laugh line means...well, you know. Forget about exercise or eating right, I've taken to using clothes pins to attach two 16 pound canned hams to each side of my face before bedtime in hopes of stretching the lines. Unfortunately, everytime I roll over it sounds like two tug boats smacking into each other.

"Two tug boats smacking together" also describes the laugh of the previously-mentioned person working on FirstNews here at Channel 9 which brings us back to the purpose of his cackling commentary. For the record, I am not the one who rounds off his laugh with the perfect 10-point landing of a snort. Now, I will admit that my mother is a snorter. But, I did not inherit that particular attribute. Still, because of the maternal snort I grew up with...I have no problem with a co-worker snorting when they laugh. However, I do wish they'd quit doing it everytime they look at me.