Lately, I've felt a little bit like Marlin Perkins on Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom:

"We're treading very carefully through the underbrush...attempting to catch a glimpse of one of nature's most confusing creatures. Oh...shhhh...there it is: The Black& Yellow Crested Graduating Senior! Notice how he seems to be walking in his sleep...rousing himself only long enough to tap on that lap-top computer. We're not sure, but we think that is how he communicates with others of his species. It will not be long before this creature, currently in his late spring t-shirt and shorts and, apparently molting, will be grandly arrayed in his cap & gown plumage, strutting proudly before his peers. Now, while Jim sneaks up to put the identification band on the animal's left ankle, let me tell you about how affordable life insurance can be when it comes from Mutual of Omaha!"

Yes, we are co-existing with a soon-to-graduate senior. It happens this weekend so watch this space for a thorough look at how it all went down. In the meantime, it got me thinking about my own graduation back in the olden days, when people said things like "olden days." First of all, our senior son has had graduation-related events almost everyday: Senior Awards Ceremony, National Honor Society Ceremony, Drama Awards Ceremony, Forensics Awards Ceremony, then, finally the Awards Awards Ceremony, honoring students who did a good job while accepting awards and honors at all the other ceremonies. He also had a Senior Picnic, a Senior Class Day, a Senior Bowling Day, a Forensics Picnic deal and a bunch of parties thrown by classmates and their parents. This means he is far more popular than his father ever was and, additionally, my car is never home.

As far as all those pre-ceremony ceremonies are concerned, I really only remember an awards night. It was for all the grades. My classmates were being awarded a variety of scholarships and honors. I was not. I may have gotten one certificate for my work as the sole member of the Senior Boys Quilting and Hot Tea Club. I was there, for the most part, because the choir was singing and I was a member. By that point in my life, I fell into the choral section known as "Shaky Tenors." Our choir director looked at us as the most unreliable bunch in the group. Not just because our voices were notorious for shifting from Vienna Boys Choir to Vienna Sausage Grinder, but, also, because we tended to talk out of turn and fool around a lot. I think, that night we were to sing Climb Every Mountain which was a little odd considering we lived in Wisconsin. Hike Every Bluff With Frequent Stops For Cards and Cheese Curds would've been a better choice. In any case, that awards ceremony was about the only official pre-graduation deal I can recall. I think there was a Senior Picnic but my invitation was a little vague:

What: Senior Picnic
When: Sometime soon.
Where: Outdoors.
Why: To enjoy each other's company one last time and, for all students with last names beginning with NICHO, to receive boosters for every inoculation taken since Pre-K.

In those days the actual ceremony was held either on the track behind the school or in the gymnasium. (There's a word you don't see spelled out completely, very often, anymore.) For my class, I think we were in the gym. (That looks better.) Our school colors were red, black and white and we were the Eagles. I think we were the Eagles because of all the eagles that could be seen along the river front. Or, perhaps, we were supposed to be the Beagles and someone accidentally let the B fall off. Our class wore robes that were sort of a maroon color...like a bad dye job on a man of about age 55, who wears his shirts open to the naval and a neck weighed down by enough gold and silver to make Captain Jack Sparrow get all flushed. I can say that with impunity since my hair has obviously not been through that process and the only silver I have is in my teeth. My suggestion of "plaid" was completely rejected although Blaze Orange almost won...we were a big hunting school. Now, my memory of all this is highly suspect but it seems to me our class motto was "Watch Where You Step." We were also a big livestock school. There were no student speakers that I remember and, frankly, I can't recall who made the main speech. Probably the principal or school board president. I do recall the general gist of the comments: "Don't get too big for your britches. Turn off lights when you leave a room. Don't speak to me in that tone of voice. Who do you think you are? Put that stuff away. Are you rolling your eyes at me? Every action gets a reaction. I've been down that road before so I know better than you do. What goes around, comes around. Shhhhh." Wait. That may not have been the commencement address. I think that was actually what my dad was telling me as we drove to the event.

As for a class song, I think at prom it had been Color My World. That's what I was told, not having gone to prom myself. But for the graduation ceremony it may have been the aforementioned Climb Every Mountain or In Heaven There Is No Beer or Smoke on the Water. Just can't be sure.

I do know we used that Sir Edward Elgar ditty Pomp and Circumstance as we walked across the stage. Of course, we had the only know polka version performed by The Six Fat Dutchmen. Elgar originally wrote the tune for a fashion show and called it Pumps and Flowered Pants. It went through several permutations before becoming the grand processional we know today. At one point Paris (the city not the heiress) used it to promote free trips to their country: Comps and VisitFrance. Then, an exterminator grabbed it with Stomp on All Those Ants. Elgar finally drew the line when a local butcher started using the song to promote his shop where he sold meats of questionable quality, changing the title to Rumps and Take A Chance.

It is really troubling how little of that event I can recall. I do have a picture of myself in between two other graduates. I remember telling my mom to be ready to snap the shot when I walk behind them and smile so it would look like I was standing with some close friends. Along those same lines, most of the names and messages in my yearbook are ones I did myself, trying to change-up the penmanship each time. I only messed up once when I wrote "Dear Joel Nichols, You are the best. I'm glad we had some classes together this year. Hope to see you this summer. All the best, Joel Nichols."

Well, let's see what happens this Sunday. I have a feeling I'll remember more of this graduation than my own.