The story you are about to read, is true. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent. That may end up being a mistake on my part seeing as how I've grown accustomed to sleeping indoors and can't really afford to hire a food-tester. But, here goes nothing. This is how my wonderful wife, Jessica, spent her Tuesday.

First of all, she had to take our daughter, Samantha, in for a pre-volleyball camp physical. It went well. But, during the course of the appointment, Jessica found it necessary to write the word "adenoid." She was, understandably, unsure of the exact spelling. If we all pronounced it as a three syllable word, "ad-uh-noid," that would have made it easy. But, around our house it is a two syllable word, "ad-noid." Sometimes, when we're feeling particularly lazy, it devolves into one syllable, "noid." Like saying 'Sconsin, instead of Wis-consin. Basically, "adenoid" is one of those words, like so many in the English language, that seems intent on being difficult. I can just imagine Noah Webster sitting in his office saying "HA! HA! HA! Let's throw in a silent E. That will annoy them!" Well, my wife asked the nurse to verify the spelling...the nurse stuck her head out in the hall and asked anyone who was listening. Soon, it became a weird game of "telephone." Now, my wife didn't mean to disrupt the office. It was a close call in one of the examining rooms as a new doctor thought the cries of "adenoids!" meant he was to remove those from the kid seated in front of him. The medico was stopped just in time.

When Jessica and Samantha left the office, they discovered that the keys were locked inside the van. No problem. Jessica is very proud of her Magneta-Key Holder. So, they unlocked and moved onto lunch. They chose a specific eatery because we had a gift card. Samantha and Jessica had a great lunch and then paid for it. Only after forking over the dough did Jessica remember the gift card. The folks at the restaurant were very helpful and willing to redo the bill. Of course, it did require a manager to complete the complicated transaction. The manager had to use a red phone, kept under a bullet-proof glass. Apparently, he contacted the World Bank for permission. Paul Wolfowitz was a little tied up...figuratively speaking. Well, I'm assuming "figuratively." So, the complex gift card for cash switch was accomplished through, what the manager referred to as "other means." I don't know what those were but apparently the stock market did quiver a little by the time it was all over. Eventually, Jessica and Samantha got out of the place, only to discover that my wife had left the key in the ignition of the van and the doors unlocked. So, she went from not even being able to get into the car herself at the doctor's office to giving everyone a chance at entering...and driving...the vehicle at the diner.

The next stop for this Thelma and Louise-like duo, was the DMV where our far-too-young daughter successfully completed her written test for her learner's permit. We just got done with this stuff with the older boys and here we go again. (Frankly, I refuse to admit that Samantha is anywhere near old enough to drive. She can't possibly reach the pedals! Well, it's back to the parking lots and side-streets for me. That is father fodder for another time.) Now, to my wife's credit she had remembered the birth certificate. However, she had not written down our daughter's Social Security number. Naturally, she did what anyone would do in such an instance. She called Grandma in Wisconsin. My mom gives the kids Savings Bonds for Christmas and, so, has all of their numbers. Good thinking on Jessica's part and good record-keeping on my mom's. Around 1:30 in the afternoon, the pretty pair left the DMV office and approached the van. Can you feel it coming? Do you sense what I'm about to tell you? Yes! Jessica locked her keys in the car...again. And, not just one set of keys. But her main set of keys, which were clearly visible on the car-seat AND the amazing Magneta-Key, which she had not replaced after the doctor's office incident AND a third key she keeps in the car for when she can't find her other keys. Three car keys. One car. Locked up tight.

Being of hardy pioneer stock, the first inclination for Jessica and Samantha was to walk the ten miles home. They got about five miles in before they decided it was too far and turned around and walked back to the DMV. Okay, that's not true. They only got about a mile down the road before re-thinking the strategy. I believe they started hallucinating and hearing a voice saying "Donner. Party of two." So, where was I during this part of the day? I was hosting a seminar and had my phone turned off. When I wrapped things up it was going on 3:15. I got the voice mails and headed to the DMV. In the meantime, some very nice person working in one of the stores in nearby, offered to let Jessica, a total stranger, take the worker's car home to get an extra key. That is really quite extraordinary. Now, Jessica does look and is, in fact, trustworthy, but still...to turn over your car to someone you don't know from Adam? Pretty nice.

It was just about then, that I showed up. Our daughter, the new almost-driver, rode home with me and related the day's events. Even with all the twists and turns, both wife and daughter were in great moods. All the important things had gone perfectly: the check-up, the lunch, the driver's test. The rest was just stuff that happens. I'm not sure how long it took the doctor's office to recover from Adenoid Alert. As far as I know, the restaurant is still sorting out yesterday' books from the girls' lunch-date. It maybe my imagination but I thought I heard the van whimpering just a little bit this morning...worried about what today holds at the hands of my wheeling wife. When she was little, one my wife's sisters used to call her Hurricane Jess. Tuesday, she certainly left a path of head-scratching wonderment in her wake.