Tuesday morning on FirstNews Jere Gish, Donna Pitman and I were lucky enough to sample the "Best Water In Kansas!" It comes right out of the taps in Gardner and it was great. They were chosen by the Kansas Rural Water Association. I like any story that has the word "rural" in it for a couple of reasons. One, I grew up in a rural area and feel vindicated whenever there is good news from the countryside and, two, it is fun to hear a news anchor say the word "rural." It is not an easy word to say for lots of people. My wife avoids it completely. When she does try to say it, it comes out "RRRLLLAARRUUMPH." Coincidentally, that's also what she calls me from time to time. I've heard news anchors attempt the word: "...in this rurrrllll...uh, rurr....uh, ruuuruul...uh, non-urban community...." They sound a little like Foster Brooks on one of those old Dean Martin roasts. There are ways to pronounce it...make it all one syllable like "rurl" or two, distinct syllables like "rur-awl." It is just a little, common word but for folks who intone terms like "proboscidian" and names like "Ahmadinejad" so easily...if the Iranian leader ever rides an elephant you could hear both words in one sentence... they often get their tongue wrapped around their eye teeth and can't see their way clear to pronouncing "rural." It's fun to watch and hear.

Anyway, back to the soggy stuff. I feel like something of a water connoisseur. One of the great lessons my mom taught me and my brothers was to drink lots of water....and we did, even with only the one, small bathroom. We were boys and had trees in the backyard so it really wasn't a problem. In fact, once, before I was born, my older brothers used their excessive water-drinking tendencies to invent a new sport in the basement. That's all I'm going to say. (My dad also believed in water...as long as it was in frozen cube form and accompanied by some other libation.) We drank good water right out of the tap when I was growing up. When we'd visit friends and relatives in other towns, a big chunk of the initial conversation had to do with how good or bad the local water was. Did it smell like rotten eggs? Was it kind of rusty-colored? Did it taste like pureed nails? I really think bottled water has eliminated some very important ice-breaking chit chat. Bottled water has also further homogenized our country and removed yet another thing that set our towns and villages apart from one another. A few weeks ago we had a story on FirstNews about water with a green hue coming out of taps up north. If it was safe to drink and didn't smell bad, that would've been a pretty cool community calling card "Home of the Emerald Drops!" Well, now many of us pay for water at the grocery store and carry it around with us. In some ways we have reverted to babyhood...we all need our bottles. I also carry my binky but that's a whole other story.

So, that is what makes the honor for Gardner extra special...they get their clear, refreshing, wonderful water the old-fashioned way: they turn the tap! Now they move onto the national taste test in Washington DC around the first of May. I hope the celebrity judges includes CRYSTAL Gayle, Bruce SPRINGsteen, and, of course, Farah FAWCETT. It will all be watched over by the spirit of the late, great Orson WELLes. Congratulations and good luck to Gardner.

That should mean something coming from a big drip like me.