Let me apologize for the title of this piece of e-drivel. Living in Kansas for so long, I find it nearly impossible not to twist just about anything into a Wizard of Oz reference. I'm about half cheesehead and half sunflower, now. Not to mention, as regular readers of this stuff know, I've never met a cliche' I didn't like. However, if you are a regular reader of this stuff, while I truly appreciate your loyalty, you may have bigger problems and really should seek some professional help...maybe this Dr. Oz guy could help you-oops, wrong Oz... or, at the very least, find a more self-edifying hobby. Regardless of all that, the title does sum up what I have to say. I just had a chill run up my spine. Oh, I know why. When I use the word "regardless" I flash back to a rather unsettling moment. I was in college, interning with a congressional campaign. We were on our way to an important speech. The candidate and campaign manager were in the front seat. I was seated in back with a "consultant" who also happened to be the manager's childhood priest. He was a small, severe-looking man dressed in traditional priestly garb. Frankly, he looked a little bit like something out of a Dickens novel. I was trying to sound smart. As is the case with lots of us, when I was in college I knew everything. Over the years, I'm amazed to find I knew very little, then, and increasingly know less and less...and less, now. As part of my monologue, I used the word "irregardless." The priest pounced! He tore into me about using a word that simply doesn't exist and is totally unnecessary. "The word you must use is regardless! Not irregardless, you complete moron." Well, he didn't say the moron part but I heard it in his voice. Now, in my defense, the word "irregardless" does appear in the dictionary with the caveat "nonstandard," the same designation as the word "ain't." Yet, irregardless of what the book says, you ain't supposed to use "irregardless." I've never used it since. I'm not sure whatever happened to the political priest. I do know our candidate lost...big...regardless of our efforts. But, I most seriously digress! Ain't that something?

LIONS: Last Thursday, I had the pleasure of visiting with the Leavenworth Lions Club. They are celebrating their 70th anniversary of making the community better. Their club is the largest in Kansas and one of the largest in the world. A few weeks back they had a TV weatherperson from a different station. As I told the group, I have underwear older than their other speaker. Speaking of attire, I wore a tie with their mascot on it. As I've been told, the tie is appropriate because "You weathermen are always lyin'." Now, I am sure they learned much more from that other one than from me. I always acknowledge, when addressing a group, that if they really wanted good information they'd invite someone else. If they just need someone to fill about 20 minutes, I'm their man. As for the Leavenworth Lions, they could not have been nicer. It was my honor to spend a little time with all of them as they continue to make their town a great place to live and work.

When I was quite young, my dad belonged to both the Lions and Optimists clubs in our town. However, as I got older he decided to leave those organizations. I wonder if my teen years precipitated his withdrawal from society? He would still roar occasionally but in a more pessimistic way.

RABBITS: Of course, Sunday was Easter...a chilly day for the bunny. I worked FirstNews weekend edition and then hopped home. The kids patiently waited for me before hunting for eggs. Well, that makes it sound like a Norman Rockwell painting, doesn't it? The fact is the two youngest were on computer and Playstation and the two oldest were still sound asleep. We had gone to the Easter Vigil at our church the night before. It starts at 11:00 p.m. with scripture readings in a mostly darkened sanctuary. Our pastor gave all congregants 12 and under permission to doze off if necessary. I asked for a special dispensation aimed at middle-aged men who get up at two in the morning but was denied. During the service, my helpful wife clamped her hand onto my neck like a hydraulic vice to keep me from looking like a bobble-head. After the readings, there is a baptism and then you sit in quiet meditation until 12:01 a.m. and the arrival of Easter. The lights go on and the altar gets decorated. The organ cranks up the Hallelujah Chorus. The Easter portion of the service lasts until about 12:30 a.m. So, by the time we got home it was one in the morning. As I mentioned, I worked FirstNews on Sunday, so it made for a short night but, I've learned over the years, that I can achieve my same level of "almost mediocre" job performance on two hours sleep as six or eight.

Anyway, the hunt for eggs and baskets was fast and furious. Our 16 year old son was the most competitive. He and the youngest tied for most eggs found. The 16 year old is also the one who chose to not color his egg at all. He called it "Understated Egg-sellence." He really needs to stop watching so much Martha Stewart and get out of the house more.

KATS: Saturday evening was a big night for rock and roll in Kansas City. The Krazy Kats, also known as Lee Dresser, Willie Craig and Fred Fletcher, celebrated 50 years of making music. They started as high school kids in Moberly, Missouri and are still packing them in all over town. In fact, on Saturday, the American Legion Hall in Blue Springs had to turn folks away! It was my job to give a quick introduction and get out of the way! Years ago, the Kats gave our son Taylor, then about three, drumsticks and a Krazy Kats CD. Taylor slept with those drumsticks like some sort of ultra-skinny, not-so-stuffed teddy bear and listened to the music every night. I was there for their 40th anniversary, too. Why do they look better than ever and I look like a relief map of Lichtenstein...in the dead of winter? These three musicians, The Krazy Kats, have brought a lot of fun and joy to thousands of folks over the last half century. Let's hope for 50 more!

So, there you are: Lions & Rabbits & Kats. That's the whole story...in TOTO...before I scurry down that yellow brick road home. Because, as you know, there's no place like home...there's no place like home....there's no place like home. Well, I've done it again. I've really gotta stop all these Oz references and, besides, these ruby slippers don't match anything in my closet and are irritating my bunions.