The Oscars aired on KMBC last evening. That's the Hollywood part of that title. Now, for the whine part: I can never stay up to see the really big awards...not that "Best Use of A Rabid Aardvark" isn't important, and, even if I did, I haven't seen hardly any of the movies. This year my wife and I did see Little Miss Sunshine, which has turned into one of our all-time favorites. But, as for the rest,we just haven't made it to the theater.

It was easier when I was a kid. We had a little movie-house down on Water Street that was called the Midway Theater. Didn't matter what was playing on a Saturday afternoon. If you were a kid and had a couple dollars, you'd go. It was upstairs from the bowling alley and you could quite often hear the strikes and spares during the movie. If it was a war picture, it just sounded like a battle scene. But, in a comedy or drama or musical, it could be distracting. Like the opening scene of The Sound of Music when Julie Andrews comes tearing across that mountain top, just as she opened her mouth to sing, someone must have rolled a turkey downstairs because it sounded like "Maria" belched. Maybe too many Austrian sausages. Most of the movies that came through town had already been out for quite awhile or had not done very well. I remember seeing every Dr. Phibes (starring Vincent Price) movie ever made, there, and most of the post-Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis movies, as well. The first movie I ever saw in a theater was Mary Poppins. I loved it...especially when Dick Van Dyke danced with the penguin waiters. However, for some reason that never was clear to me, my dad never liked Julie Andrews. Maybe he thought she really had let one rip at the start of that other movie. He always thought she acted a little too nice...a little too sweet. I'd like to imagine that he and Miss Andrews had been through some torrid romance during World War II which ended badly...he traipsed back to the north woods of Wisconsin while she went onto stardom. The trouble there is, the only accurate part of the story is that he did traipse back to the north woods of Wisconsin. No matter, he just never warmed up to Julie Andrews.

If you ask my mom the latest movie she saw in the theater that she really liked, her answer would be Cactus Flower, starring Goldie Hawn and Walter Matthau...circa 1969. It is a funny movie...but, 1969? It had been awhile before that since she had been to the movies. I seem to remember her being amazed by the Technicolor and, saying, with reverence, "It was a talkie!" Okay, I may be overdoing that but she was not and is not a real movie-goer. When I was about eight years old, we were on a family trip up north in Chetek, Wisconsin and, due to a rainy day which kept us off the lake, we all went to a movie. It was set in the 1930's and was supposed to be about dancing and big-band music. Seemed right up my parent's alley. Well, we all settled into the darkened row. My dad on the outside, then a brother, then my mom, then another brother, then me and then another brother. Instead of a happy, upbeat pastiche of good fun and great music it turned out to be a real downer. The title should have tipped us off: They Shoot Horses Don't They? It starred Jane Fonda and Gig Young and was about dance marathons. Very sad and gloomy. We would've been happier outside in the rain. The only thing I really remember is that there was a shower scene. That's about all I can tell you as, just as the water started running and the camera focused in on the scrubbing bubbles, a hand swooped in over my eyes. It was my mom's hand. Now, she is not a tall person. How she got her short, little arm stretched all the way past my other brother and over my eyes, is still a physical feat I don't quite comprehend. All of sudden she was Inspector Gadget.

There are a few other movies I remember from those years like Oliver. My brothers all thought that musicals were unintentionally hilarious...after all, how often does someone just burst into song while waiting for a taxi or buying a pair of shoes? Sometimes, after seeing a film like Oliver, my brothers would, for several days sing things like "I'm going to the bathroom now. Then I will take a bow. Just remember, if you go, don't smirk. It's not over 'til you're done with the paperwork!" Always, at the top of their lungs. They wanted me to sit through that movie because the kid playing the Artful Dodger reminded them of me. Maybe his looks or, more likely, his questionable character.

As I mentioned earlier, most of this year's contenders slipped by us. We usually see an ad or trailer and think we'd like to see a certain movie but, if we wait long enough, our interest wanes and we save the ticket money. As a kid, it was a big deal when a theatrical release finally made it to one of the three networks. Now, it seems like just a matter of moments before you can be watching the hits in your own home. Even then, we often miss them. Although, this past Saturday the 11 year old, Harrison, and I did watch a great movie. A big hit. It was called The Public Enemy starring James Cagney. From about 1931 or so. It was terrific, although, now, we have to break Harrison from rubbing grapefruit in his sister's face and falling, like a mummy, in the front door and scaring his mother half to death. That's entertainment!