Not too long ago, a former co-worker who was beginning a new career as an investment advisor, visited our house with his boss in tow. They were there to tell us how we could best begin saving for our childrens' college years. Admittedly, we were very late in getting into the savings mode...our oldest child was already looking for boxes to move out of the house and into the dorm. However, we figured better late than never. This was one of our friend's first attempts at selling his company's plan so the boss, let's call him Biff, ended up doing a lot of the talking. Biff began by making it very clear that we were extremely negligent parents for not already having a savings plan in place. He told us that his two daughters, who were still in diapers, already had, not only college money set aside, but two wedding funds started. I think he was trying to shame us into turning over as much money to him as possible. It was not the best strategy on his part. My wife tends to bristle when her mothering talents are questioned and, for good reason: she is the best mom, period! As for me, not putting away enough money for college is actually way down on the list of things I've done wrong as a father. For example, substituting Oreos for carrots when spoon-feeding the kids was probably not acceptable.

Truth-be-told, Biff the Bad-Guy, had a point. The responsible thing to do is to "pay yourself first," or, in this case, "pay your kids first," that is, save something right off the top. I remember reading that wealthy people get that way by saving 10% of what they earn. Or, even better, you can use the old Steve Martin plan. He used to promise that you can have million dollars and never pay taxes. First, get a million dollars. Then, when the IRS asks you why you haven't paid any taxes, you simply say "I forgot." Looking back, I think I was mistaken to even consider Mr. Martin's advice to which he would possibly reply "Well...excuuuuuse me." (For those of you too young to remember that, let me mention that Steve Martin, from the Father of the Bride and Cheaper By The Dozen movies, was an hilarious stand-up comedian, before he became an author, playwright and movie star.)

As for investing, I'm lost. Many years back, I was pinch-hitting for Bryan Busby on the evening news and Larry Moore invited me to dinner with some folks who had successfully bought "A Tour of Channel 9 and Dinner With The Anchors" at a charity auction. After overcoming their obvious and understandable disappointment at hearing that Bryan was absent, the winning bidders allowed me to sit at their table...on a booster seat. For whatever reason, the conversation revolved around money and how to make it. After some time, one of the men in the party turned to me and said "Glen, you strike me as a rather below average young man, so, what do you invest in?" I told him most of my money was tied up in diapers, formula and detergent, for when the formula makes a return appearance on my shoulder.

The consequences of my poor financial judgment and unwise purchasing habits are coming home to roost...which does make me happy that I spent several hundred dollars buying that fancy, velvet-covered roost. This weekend my oldest son and his mother will be on the road, visiting campuses...or is that "campi?" She has volunteered to accompany him on all such ventures and is urging that he consider the University of Beaches and Umbrella Drinks in Hawaii and the Geneva College of Clocks and Hot Chocolate in Switzerland. I never visited colleges at his age. I just sneaked onto the grounds of the University of Wisconsin-Madison, and started attending classes. That's where I learned to say "sneaked" and not "snuck," or so I thinked.

Well, my wife, the eternal and usually correct, optimist believes that her DNA will overcome my DNA, and the kids will get scholarships. I sure hope she is right or Biff the Bad Guy will end up laughing over his lobster at his daughter's already-paid-for wedding reception. He should remain vigilant, however. If things don't go well in the free-money-for-college sweepstakes, I promise to crash his little party and take as much food as I can...which, I will certainly need at that point.