This morning on FirstNews, we had a story about a rogue kangaroo hopping down a country highway in Oklahoma. The creature was being pursued by a police officer who eventually pulled the critter over. After being stopped and asked for ID, the bouncing beast, rummaging through her pouch, was heard to say "I'm sorry...I can never find anything in here." The story reminded co-anchor Donna Pitman of her early morning sighting of a fox on the way to work. (Donna was on her way to work...not sure where the fox was heading.) Donna gave a very complete, journalistically-driven, description...reddish fur...shiny little eyes...pointy snout...big bushy tail...suspect last seen carrying a bunch of grapes from nearby tree and looking for a lazy dog to jump over...fox knows many things but associates with a hedgehog who knows one big thing.

Donna's story turned the show into a compact version of Wild Kingdom, but without Marlin Perkins or Jim Fowler. By the way, when we were at Silver Dollar City in Branson a couple weeks ago, we saw the Jim Fowler wildlife show. It was educational and entertaining with lots of cute creatures. However, Mr. Fowler was not a live part of the show. At least, I don't think he was...his image would magically appear, to impart wildlife wisdom, from the trunk of a large tree on the stage. Frankly, it was a little unsettling, as if the Lion King had undergone some serious cosmetic surgery. If this is the way Mr. Fowler shows up under regular circumstances, it could become aggravating: "Good morning, dear...how about a cup of coffee?" "Jim, I've told you a hundred times: if you want coffee you are going to have to come into the kitchen like everyone else and not just 'appear' in the wood-grain of the cupboard door!" Well, after a lifetime of adventure and conservation work, Mr. Fowler deserves to enter a room anyway he wishes. Meanwhile, back on the morning news, we got several great e-mails about wildlife in the city. Deer, raccoons, possums (I've always thought spelling it opossums seemed a little snooty) and many more of nature's army were mentioned.

One viewer recounted seeing what she thought was huge rat in her children's room. Turned out to be a baby possum which animal control told her to pick up by the tail and put outdoors, to which, she replied "PICK IT UP!?!?" Her scream must of scared it back to where it came from because it was gone when she returned to the room. There was also a message from a woman who told of one early morning when a raccoon chased her poodle back into the house through the pet door. The raccoon ran into the bathroom, so the woman shut the door and waited for help. The poodle is still in therapy.

Surprisingly, nobody told any squirrel tales or tails. I've mentioned before that my mom had a close and ongoing relationship with a white-tail squirrel when I was a kid. In fact, she continues to connect with nature...just the other day she looked out at her bird-feeder and saw a huge turkey...just the rear view. Imagine looking out your picture window and coming face to feather with a giant turkey hinder. She told me this on the phone, saying the turkey tush encounter had somehow reminded her to give me a call. Anyway, my mother's animal stories are usually quite peaceful...especially about the old white-tail squirrel. The same tranquil attitude can not be attributed to the legendary battle between my father-in-law, Mike, and a seemingly bionic squirrel named Rambo.

My father-in-law is a bright, successful executive. He can take the most complicated, emotion-soaked, politically-charged business problem and smoothly navigate to a successful resolution for all involved. But, mention Rambo the Bionic Squirrel and his eyes turn red with remembered fury. The confrontation took place in a very beautiful, brand-new home with pristine walls and scuff-free floors. Not long after moving in, they heard the patter of little feet above them. At first, being a compassionate man, Mike decided to trap the furry intruder and release him back to the wild, while Born Free reverberated from the stereo. He climbed up into the crawl space over the living room and began looking for a place to put the trap. He's pretty sure he heard squirrel laughter as he maneuvered around the insulation and wooden beams. In the darkness he saw a small opening and thought that may be how the little guy was getting in and out, making it a perfect place for the humane trap he was using. He had to make the space a little bigger so he started to punch his way through. Next thing he knew, his body was in the crawl space, his fist was in the master bathroom and his tail was in a ringer. He had punched a hole through one of the sparkling new walls...right by the hot-tub. The squirrel immediately ordered a swimming suit, scented candles and moisturizing bath beads.

Now, it was No-More-Mr. Nice-Guy. Forget trapping him...Mike would scare the little vandal out of the house. He made his way back down to the living room, went to the garage and grabbed his son's BB gun. Women swooned. Men took cover. The horses whinnied nervously and, somewhere, up above, Rambo just chuckled. With visions of a BB-covered husband, dancing in her head, my sensible mother-in-law disarmed Mike. Then, remembering the "redecorating" he had done in the bathroom just moments before, she considered her own BB gun options. The better angels of her nature prevailed and the gun went back to the garage.

To be quite honest, I am not sure how the squirrel was finally evicted. If I find out, I will tell you. I do know that Mike rigged some sort of electrical mechanism on the roof. He claimed it was to keep the squirrel out with a minor, non-lethal shock. However, that doesn't explain why he'd grab his BBQ chef's apron, spatula and large canister of paprika whenever he thought he heard something walking around up on the roof. The other temporary result of this battle was that all of Mike's kids seemed to obey him a little quicker than before...having seen the dark and frightening side of their, otherwise patient, father.

Maybe next season, Silver Dollar City can trade the Jim Fowler show for "Mike's Wonderful World of Nature...Putting the Wild Back in Wildlife!" I'm sure Rambo the Bionic Squirrel is still out there somewhere...ready for round two.